I really had that appointment with Charlie this morning. It went really well. I’m seeing a lot of hope for our relationship and that’s really good. 🙂 Aprill and I cleaned out the storage room. I got a storage unit. I have enough space for all my stuff if I can keep it organized, but that takes a lot of time and energy so I’m just getting all the crap out of here. We went through my storage room and pulled stuff out to take to storage and organized the stuff left. It’s going to be so nice! I boxed up some stuff-like andy’s massage stuff. I’m really excited about it all. I think my problem here is this-I have to have some level of control in my life and I think that maybe since I’m feeling so out of control with most of what’s going on that maybe that is why I’m attacking my house like this. It really is taking so much more effort and energy to be trying to organize my whole house right now, but I think that maybe that is just me having control over something. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of these projects, but I can’t. I feel like maybe what some people talk about ‘nesting’ for pregnant women-uncontrollable urges to clean and organize and get ready. Maybe it’s the same idea on the sub-conscious level-that birth is such an uncontrollable thing you just have to have control over something in your world. Anyway-I’m really spending a lot of energy organizing. I’m loving the result, but I am feeling really silly about it all. If only I could put some of that energy towards actual cleaning. I could organize and reorganize my house every day, but the actual cleaning like vacuuming and dusting and bathrooms, and dishes, and….that is my weakness. I just need a maid. 🙂
Andy wasn’t feeling really great today. nothing really specific-just all over crummy, though he did feel better after taking a nap. We have both decided that an afternoon nap would be a good thing for him. He is needing more sleep-he hasn’t been taking naps because he feels guilty about it since I can’t nap, but after today’s nap felt so good he said it’s just something he needs to do. It was actually nice for me to have that break in the day. I’m really trying not to just make him another kid here, but it was nice to have alex at school, charlie and andy napping and stryker in quiet time. Just some time for me to do whatever without having to worry about anyone or having to take care of anyone. I told him that he is fine taking afternoon naps nad to try and do it right after lunch when the other boys nap. lol Maybe that is when I can shower again…
The boys went to bed really easy tonight. We have started reading chapter books to them at night. I am one chapter away from the end of charlotte’s web. I’m not sure how much they are understanding or hearing, but it’s helping bedtime and they love it. I especially love nights much like tonight, when they are both asleep by the time I finish reading the chapter. (Hence why I don’t think they could possible be understanding much.)
Andy took a shower tonight. second one since he has been home. He likes it so much more here-his shower and his soap and his wife an it’s just more comfortable. It seems to go so much more smooth than at the hospital, and he washes most of his body himself, so I just hang out in there with him for that. That helps a lot-when I was helping with shower at the hospital he basically just sat there while I washed. It’s so much work getting him ready for the shower and getting him finished after he is done, that it’s so much easier to be able to take a break in the middle while he does that work. Loved it that way tonight.
It’s so hard to be patient with everyone. there are seriously moments of the day that I want to run away and not come back for a couple hours. We all have so much personal drama we are dealing with right now with all the changes that have happened in the last couple months(and the last year) and it’s so important for me to remember where everyone is coming from and that they might be having strong emotions about all of this just like me. that is so hard because I am definitely having some strong emotions. I thing it’s hard for me, when I’m having strong emotions to be able to see that others are probably having their own strong emotions too, but I’m trying so hard to remember that and be empathetic. I’m really working on that with my kids. They aren’t my little slaves and they are ever going to be perfect-the faster I can really accept that the easier life will be for all of us. I really have such high expectations for them. I don’t think it’s totally wrong to expect a lot, but I know I expect too much. I don’t want them growing up thinking they will never be able to be all I want them to be. anyway, I’m babbling now.