I can’t sleep. I have to be up in 5 hours now to get 3 kids ready and I can’t sleep.
We talk about emotions SO much over here that it can’t help but rub off-I have become a lot more introspective. I’m not sure where I was going with that-it is 1:38 after all…. I am just feeling a lot right now. I’m so worried about my kids tomorrow(today!). It means so much to all of us, but it means so many different things. I’m so totally stoked and just want everyone to feel like I do. Ax is nervous and scared, a little happy, a little sad. He knows it means he will NEVER live with his mom again and I just can’t even imagine what that would feel like. Ike is feeling really jealous. He is seeing all the attention Ax is getting and wants to be adopted too. It’s useless to tell him that we are all just becoming a family and they are becoming brothers now-it’s still a heck of a lot of attention for ax getting adopted and ike wants to be a adopted too. Then Ax hears him say that and tells him “You don’t want to be adopted.” and that makes my heart hurt for him. (and C is clueless still-He’s got it the best out of any of us!)
So, tomorrow I’m going to be a wreck. I’m worried about sooo much. How will Ax handle everything? How will Ike handle everything? How will I handle everything!? Will ‘mom’ show up-somehow hearing about the hearing and crash the party? Will I have to escort my kids away from a screaming mom being held by bailiffs? Will they even get dressed and ready to go in the morning or will they all fight me and we end up dragging them into the courtroom in their jammies? Will Ax tell the judge he doesn’t want to live with us and she will take that at face value and stop the whole process? Ack!
I’m totally freaking out, and I’m still not even close to feeling sleepy.