Welcome to Our Craziness!

My kids are going to live to be adults June 23, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashlieaxandike @ 9:46 pm

Do you ever go to the book store looking for some type of self-help? You stand in the aisle for hours looking at every book, trying to find the perfect book that will give you some type of advice you haven’t ever thought of; some help for a piece of your life that has a hole. I have. I love the self-help aisle. I can go to the store on a mission to find that piece that is missing and stand there forever looking at each book-trying to find the one that best matches what I think I want to do.

Don’t you do that? You want the help, you aren’t sure what you should do, though you do have an idea of what would be best. So you stand there in that aisle looking for a book written by someone important, someone who knows what they are talking about, someone who agrees with you! 

I have!

Just do what you feel is right! I believe we are given a natural intuition, strength that can help us lead our lives. I believe at the heart of things we can all get a little more introspective, a little more prayerful, a little more thoughtful and we can figure things our for ourselves.

 I also have religiously read so many baby/kid magazines and books that I have made myself crazy. Please believe me-they will make you crazy. There are so many different opinions on everything. (Shout out to my sister.) You can find whatever you want to find about any question you have-child rearing, marriage, how to water your garden, etc. I went absolutely crazy for a couple years. I was SO worried about doing it wrong. WRONG! Heaven forbid I do something wrong-I will ruin my child forever! 

I have since virtually stopped reading all that ‘crap’. I do think it’s useful sometimes, but I honestly feel that deep down, maybe really deep down, we all know what we want and we are afraid that ‘they’ won’t agree. As the self-help generation I really feel like we need to stop the madness. We have to learn to trust our intuition, our motherly instinct, the promptings from the Holy Ghost. I have learned it’s so important to do what is right for you, for your child, for that moment, that situation. No book can follow you around telling you what to do each day, but we do have instinct for that. God has given us a way to raise healthy happy children based on our circumstances. 

I do still get Parents magazine, I’m reading the greatest book right now, and we have THE BEST therapist in the whole world. I’ll admit-I haven’t quite kicked that addiction, but I’ve also changed SO much about my parenting style. I have learned to step back and see what is and isn’t working for my kids. I’ve learned to listen when I make a mistake to that voice in the back of my head that is telling me I should go to my children and fix what I’ve done-even though it might go against what I believe should happen in a happy home with well-behaved children. We still have rules, but we have rules that work for us right now, that have been thought about and chosen by us. 

Having gone through what we have gone through in the last year and a half I will tell you I believe with all my heart that it is super important to listen to yourself and listen to the Lord. Stop doubting yourself.


3 Responses to “My kids are going to live to be adults”

  1. Lace Says:

    Hey! Thanks for this post! I like it a lot!

    I am so much like you in this! I always WANT to do everything RIGHT and I have recently learned that everyone has different oppinions of what RIGHT really is. I’ve learned that old ladies think it is wrong to bring a sippycup to sacrament meeting, and many other silly things like that… maybe to them it is wrong but for our family if it’s what works at 9 am with my non-morning person child than it’s RIGHT for us.

    I look back and laugh at myself remembering when Ayla was a baby asking everyone for advice yet knowing what it was I wanted to do. Why? Did I need that reenforcement that what I was doing was RIGHT in other peoples eyes?

    I do think it’s good to get all the information you can from books or people but in the end you really just have to trust yourself and be confident that you know your children better than anyone else and you know what is RIGHT for them.

    Wow! You got more than my 2 cents on this one!

  2. Camille Says:

    I never read the advice books. I guess I’m too stubborn! I hated getting advice from others. If I asked for it, I usually got too much and then if I didn’t follow it, I felt the person I had asked would get offended.

    I agree that we just have to follow our guts and usually our guts are right. And then our children will grow up swearing that they will never make the same mistakes we made with them! And they are right, they will just make different ones!

    Besides, you can read all the books in the world, but when you figure out what works for child #1, won’t work for the rest! LOL It’s all a big crapshoot!

    You are doing awesome, Ashlee. I am so proud of you and how you handle your boys and how far you have all come in the last year. And doing it with all of Andy’s drama too? Can we say SuperWoman? 🙂

    Oh, and thanks for the shout out! LOL

  3. Kim Says:

    These words are beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your wit and wisdom. I know I have said it before, but you are my hero…you have taught me a better way of dealing with my trials and moving forth.

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